God is in the details – so is credibility

October 12th, 2009 Posted by charles in Business, Findings, Marketing

This is just a reminder to our readers and clients that one of the most critical pieces of building a great brand and great web site rests with copywriting. It is the single greatest persuader on any web site despite all the advances in multimedia, social networking, etc. As an example of how things can go terribly wrong, I’ve grabbed this site from an able competitor in UK and highlighted some of the problems they’ve created for themselves that impact their credibility.

My first point is that they should be especially careful when proofreading their display message on their home page. “Our business is making your’s look good” doesn’t make anyone look good. They get tripped up again in plural vs. possessive in the subtext as well. It’s okay. None of us liked English class and I totally empathize with the slip up, but it should have been caught and corrected. Now they’re being featured on another blog for all the wrong reasons, and their fledgling brand is suffering terribly.

On the subject of headlines, one might desire more than ‘hello’. The job of a headline is to pull in a viewer, make them want to learn more, engage. According to some respected web copywriters, this is elementary and will be even more effective if posed as a question. (Are your headlines missing these key psychological triggers?).

Next, they made the decision to place subtext below the main navigation labels. This subtext is not sub-navigation, but sub-messaging (which is conversely personable and witty). It’s almost like having afternoon tea with Sybil. Navigation should do just that – help you navigate. It should not be a venue for pushing smaller messages. As a site visitor, I’m being asked to process too much at this point and their prospects probably feel the same way.

If I drill into the site, I find myriad more errors with the copy. Let’s look at this paragraph for example:

“We love being small, it allows us to focus 110% on every project we undertake. It also enables us to work on projects one at a time, you’ll never hear us saying ‘we’ll try to fit you in’, because if you’re our client, you’ll be our only client until your project is complete!”

Why it’s not working starts with the choice of using ‘bold’ to highlight certain words. This is a great way to help scanners and other readers quickly see what makes you different or better. However, it’s imperative you choose the right words to highlight. In this case, the words ‘small’, ‘focus’, ‘we’ll try to fit you in’, and ‘only’ are poor choices. Lift them from the text and put them together. What do you get? – We have ‘small focus. We’ll try to fit you in only.’ This is not a persuasive message. The paragraph also contains a run-on sentence, a mythical mathematical value (110% doesn’t exist), and finally, makes the tough-to-swallow promise that you, the prospect, will be their only client until the project is complete.

iKreativ is a great little web dev shop. There is much to like about their perspective and services. We want them to succeed, which is why we’re trying to highlight a better copywriting path. I only write this to underscore my view that the Internet could and should be made better for everyone with a little extra attention paid to language and communication.